Dreams

Listen while you read.


I slept restlessly last night. I dreamed that someone I know found this blog, and word of my 'sexual deviance' spread like wildfire throughout my social network. I thought about my mom reading this space, and how devastating it would be for her. She wouldn't make it past the word 'cock' but it would be enough for her to disown me. I also had dreams that there were people trying to figure out who I was, linking this space to reality, in an effort to ruin me. While mostly unpleasant, I've been dwelling on it all day and have come to an obvious conclusion; talking about sucking cock is difficult when that act has only existed in your head and been concealed for a dozen years.

Yesterday's post is the first time, in my entire life, that I have articulated to myself or anybody else how I feel. Although, I told God earlier this week in a conversation we had in my room.

When I was imagining this space, I thought that it would be somewhere which I could point people to, and that they could at their own pace come to understand me. But then I wrote about muscular jocks and wanking, and I quickly realized that I will never be able to share this website with anybody that I know. This is alright because it's serving another purpose, which, as I mentioned earlier, is getting these thoughts, these actions, into the light of DAY.